He looks at me with those big, beautiful, gray eyes.
I can tell he’s trying so hard to listen. To focus.
But I can also tell that it’s not all sinking in.
There is a look that comes over those big eyes of his. It’s difficult to explain. It’s almost a fog.
When I ask him to repeat what I have just said, he tries. Oh, how he tries. But not all of it gets through.
He gets frustrated. Sometimes he even cries. Even at 13 years old.
He often tells me that he hates how his brain works. He doesn’t like being different.
He longs for close friends, but has a hard time making them and doesn’t understand why.
I try to encourage him.
I tell him that things will come easier one day. He will get it one day.
And until then, we’ll just keep trying.
I tell him that EVERYONE is different. We all have our own set of strengths and difficulties.
He just nods, but says nothing.
The day we discovered that this “fog” had a name, he cried himself to sleep.
He always knew he was different. But now it was official.
Again, I tried to encourage him. Oh, how I tried.
I told him that this does NOT define him.
I told him that he was uniquely created by God! And God DOES NOT make mistakes!!
I told him that one day, God will use this very thing for His glory.
He just nodded, with tears streaming down his face.
My heart breaks for my boy.
I see his struggles and I just want to run in and do it for him.
I watch him attempt to make new friends, and I just want to run over and tell them,
“He has a hard time picking up on social cues. Just give him a chance!”
As I type these words, tears are streaming down my own face.
And I long for the days when life will get a little easier for him.
Until then, we press on.
We continue giving him short instructions, or small bits of conversation at a time.
We continue with hands on learning during our school time.
He’s learning to take notes from our lessons.
He watches my mouth as I speak, and not my eyes.
We’re pushing forward.
I thank God every day that I am able to stay home with my sweet boy and educate him here.
I’m so thankful for that!
He is able to learn at his own pace, in his own style.
Not every day ends in tears. Quite the contrary. Most days are full of joy and discovery.
But we do have those hard days.
Those days where he sits at the table, head in hands, tears in his eyes.
Its on those days that I am most thankful.
Because even in my own frustration,
I can stop what I’m doing, wrap my arms around my boy, and tell him just how much he is loved.